FLORIDA (The Borowitz Report)—Shortly after the corporate giant cancelled plans for a new campus in Lake Nona, Florida, residents of the state demanded to know where Disney was going so that they could come with.
Across the state, Floridians indicated a desperate desire to join Disney in its departure, suggesting that an unprecedented exodus may soon be under way.
“When I think of Florida, I think of gun violence, draconian abortion laws, and book banning,” Carol Foyler, who lives in Boca Raton, said. “When I think of Disney, I think of teacups, princesses, and singing animals. I want to be where Disney is.”
“I’ve lived in Florida all my life and never considered leaving before,” Harland Dorrinson, a resident of Fort Lauderdale, said. “But, wherever Disney goes, Ron DeSantis won’t be there, and that’s good enough for me.”
Tracy Klugian, who resides in Tampa, expressed a sentiment echoed by millions of others in the state. “I’d rather live in Disney without Florida than in Florida without Disney,” she said.