WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the latest scandal to rock the United States Supreme Court, reports have emerged that Harlan Crow, the Republican megadonor, offered to pay to send Ginni Thomas to law school for a second time.
According to a source who witnessed the offer, made on board Crow’s yacht, the real-estate mogul told Justice Clarence Thomas that “since Ginni is involved in making so many Supreme Court decisions, she really should go to law school.”
After Justice Thomas informed him that she had, in fact, already gone to law school, “Crow appeared absolutely shocked,” the source said.
“Ginni went to law school?” he reportedly said. “Well, now I’ve heard everything.”
Composing himself, the billionaire added, “The offer still stands. It couldn’t hurt for her to go again. I’m offering her a full ride.”
A spokesman for Crow would not confirm or deny reports that he had also offered to send Justice Samuel Alito to law school.