NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Reeling from its punishing settlement agreement with Dominion Voting Systems, a newly cash-strapped Fox News Channel has been forced to sell Representative Kevin McCarthy.
Rupert Murdoch, who acquired the Speaker of the House just two months ago, expressed sadness that new financial realities had necessitated the sale.
“I wish Kevin well,” the Fox owner said. “I hope whoever buys him finds as much use for him as I did.”
Even as many in Washington expressed skepticism about the House Speaker’s market value, Murdoch’s plans to sell McCarthy faced a significant roadblock in the form of the Georgia congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene.
“I have no idea why Fox thinks they can sell Kevin McCarthy,” she told reporters. “I own Kevin.”
