Tuesday, March 21, 2023

DeSantis Installs Higher Heels on White Boots in Preparation for 2024 Race

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FLORIDA (The Borowitz Report)—Ron DeSantis has completed the installation of higher heels on his signature white boots in preparation for the 2024 Presidential race, sources close to the Florida governor have confirmed.

Although aides to the G.O.P. contender have refused to divulge the specific height of the new heels, they are believed to be “somewhere between two and three inches,” one source said.

The heels, which were paid for by DeSantis’s political-action committee, were installed by the campaign’s cobbler earlier this week in order to give the Governor ample time walking at the higher elevation, according to reports.

One source close to DeSantis downplayed rumors that the Republican’s early practice sessions in the augmented heels had not gone well.

“Did he fall down in high heels? Yes,” the source said. “Will he be ready to walk in high heels when the time comes? Yes. There’s no one braver than Ron DeSantis.”

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